Superbowl Preview: 10 Predictions



Mike Tomlin may very well reveal that he and Omar Epps are the same person, but that isn't one of my 10 predictions.



1.) Hines Ward will hit/block someone after the whistle, after which the announcers will discuss whether it was dirty before coming to the conclusion that it wasn’t a cheap shot because “that’s just how Hines Ward plays the game.”

2.) A large segment of the population will not let you forget about how awesome that new E-trade commercial with the talking babies was, as if they’ve never before seen special effects that make it look like a baby or animal is talking.  Seriously, those commercials are incredibly lame and essentially nothing that wasn’t already done in Homeward Bound or Baby Bob.  Oh, what?  You got it to look like a baby trades stocks while still maintaining some of the same interests and mannerisms of an actual baby?  And it talks with the voice of an adult human? Oh man, what a hilarious concept.  Ha ha.

3.) Hines Ward will be the hardest-working player on the field.

4.) Troy Aikman will prove multiple times that he has does not understand basic NFL rules. 

5.) Fans will still hate Joe Buck more.

6.) Hines Ward will be so tough and just, oh baby, look at that effort. 

7.) Ben Roethlisberger will be harder to sack than a coal freighter.

8.) A Steelers’ lineman whose name rhymes with “Diesel” will have a pretty money beard. 

Possibly this guy

9.) Packers’ fans will chant “Kooooon” as fullback John Kuhn racks up 8 yards on 6 carries. 

10.) The Black-Eyed Peas will suck still be better than any other hip-hop group would have been. 

Anything less than 10 for 10 on those would be a shocking.